Sep 11, 2008. After steadily declining for a decade, teen suicide spiked by 18 percent from 2003 to 2004, according to a recent study conducted at The Research. According to God's Word, “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Help, My Teen Wants to Date. Read teen parenting advice and help from a Biblical perspective. Help for Christian parents. If you find that your teen is dating. There's all kinds of advice out there about teenage dating. Here are the Biblical principles that should guide your Christian dating decisions. When a teen starts to date, a parent’s prayer life doubles! The world wants to define dating for your teenager. Long before the first date, teach your child about. In the fading twilight, the headlights of an approaching car reminded Bill to reach for the dashboard and turn on his lights. As the horde of rush-hour cars streamed by, Bill reminisced about the teenage daughter he had just picked up from band practice. He smiled as he thought about all those after-school trips over the last few years: dance classes, piano practices, the unending cycle of softball games and tournaments. He glanced at her in the seat next to him and thought, She’s starting to look like her mom. Her childhood has passed so quickly. Usually Bill and his daughter made small talk on their brief ride home. Bill was concerned about the growing emotional distance between them. Sure, he knew this gap was normal for teenagers and their parents. But he wasn’t ready yet to surrender his role as a parent. He hoped the conversation he was about to initiate would help close that gap. He had prayed for an opportunity to talk to her alone—without her three brothers around. “Julie, how are you doing with the guys?” he asked, struggling to disguise the wobble he felt in his voice. “Oh, okay,” Julie replied, in cryptic teenage fashion. She looked nonchalantly out her window as their car crossed a small bridge. Bill smiled and probed: “You know, your mom and I have been talking about you and all those boys who call on the phone.” Julie squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. Realizing now where this conversation was headed, she rolled her eyes. “Your mom and I just want to make sure you know what you stand for as you get old enough to date. You know what I mean, Pudd’n?” Pudd’n was Bill’s pet name for his daughter. He hoped it might soften her heart. She smiled faintly. “I would like to ask you a very personal question and give you the freedom not to answer if you don’t want to.” He paused, waiting for her reply. Why not?” she said flatly. Bill gripped the steering wheel and shot a glance into her eyes. “Have you thought through how far you are going to go, physically, with the opposite sex?” Whew. There—he’d done it! Bill and his wife had talked before with Julie about God’s standards about sex, but soon she would be dating and making moral choices on her own. They wanted to encourage her to make the right ones. “Uh, well, I guess,” she replied. She was obviously feeling even more ill at ease. They were just a block from home, so gently but firmly, Bill pressed the final question: “Well then, would you mind telling me how far you intend to go? Where are you going to draw your boundaries?” He stopped the car a few feet short of the driveway and feigned a look into the mailbox. He knew his wife always got the mail, but Julie was acting like a basketball team ahead by one point in the fourth quarter, hoping the clock would run out. She was stalling. Bill faced Julie and waited for her response. If he had waited for a month, he wouldn’t have been ready for what she said. “No, I don’t want to tell you” she said firmly. Decision time for this dad. He deliberated, What if I press the issue and she gets angry? Do I probe further now or double back later? “Okay,” he replied, “I’ll take that for an answer... For now.” A tense silence filled the car as it eased forward and stopped in the driveway.* Bill is definitely a courageous dad, pressing into a relational hot spot where most parents fear to tread. Although it’s uncomfortable, he’s definitely on the right track. Just what role should parents play to steer a child away from the traps in the most popular sport for many teens—the dating game? Let’s begin by defining dating in broad terms. For us, dating or courting is a small part of the overall process of determining God’s will for discovering your life partner in marriage. In our family the focus has not been on dating, but more on training our teens in their character and in how to develop a relationship with the opposite sex. Our teens do not go out on a date every Friday and Saturday night. Our junior high and high school age teens don’t date anyone exclusively. Instead, we are encouraging our girls who are still home to focus on the friendship side of their relationships with boys. When our girls do spend time with a boy, it’s in a group, not one on one. We’re trying to train them to protect their emotions and not to send romantic signals to boys. And when a young man sends romantic signals to one of our daughters, we’ve talked with him and tried to keep the relationship on a friendship level. When a child can date Giving a child the privilege of spending time with a member of the opposite sex is a freedom that is based upon our judgment of how responsible we deem this child to be. Can we trust her to stick to her standards? Is he strong enough to withstand peer pressure in a boy-girl situation? In light of our reformatted definition of dating, we have the following very general age guidelines for spending time with a friend of the opposite sex (these are for our children still living at home). • Doing things together with an approved mixed group of teens away from our home: We have allowed this to begin sometime after age 15. • Double dates or group dates: Usually at age 17, maybe earlier. • Single dates: These are generally discouraged but allowed in certain circumstances. However, even with these guidelines, three out of four of our teens had their first real date to the school prom in their junior year at age 17. And those first dates were all with friends, not with someone with whom they were romantically involved. It’s not that our teens were not interested in dates beyond a friendship, but we had talked through the few pros and the many cons of exclusive dating enough that they felt changing the relationship from friendship to romance might ruin the friendship. Our teenagers would all say that their prom dates were a lot of fun. They spent the whole evening in groups. Many of the parents were involved with before-dance dinners, chaperoning the dance, and hosting after-dance activities at homes or rented facilities. And it was a good opportunity for them to practice their manners and learn how to behave in formal clothes. Our guidelines might sound repressive to some. A teenager going on a first date at 17 is certainly not the norm in our culture. But many experts agree that early dating is not a good idea. It is easy to see why there is a movement of parents to replace traditional dating with a formal courtship between a young man and woman. These parents are involved in their children’s lives, seeking to protect their innocence and purity for marriage. Whom they should date As a starting point, we believe our teens should develop friendships with and eventually date only other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14-16). Why go out with someone who does not have your values? Also, parents need to evaluate the vitality of the Christian walk of the person who may date one of their children. Specifically, is this young man or young woman a growing Christian? In junior high, teens don’t have the discernment to know if a friend really is a Christian. They believe that if the child says he is a Christian, then he is. It takes far more maturity than most 12- to 16-year-olds have to see that words and actions need to match. Train your teen to look for outward qualities that indicate inner character, like a good reputation at school, a self-controlled mouth, and wise driving habits, to name just a few. These external behaviors can be a reflection of good parental training. It takes time to discover those qualities about a person and even more time to see if they are enduring or just a pretense. Inner character can’t be seen at first sight, across a crowded room, when you say your first hello. Teens need to be taught that the ultimate purpose of dating or courting is to find someone to marry. They need to be very choosy about whom they spend time with in light of that definition. Help them write down the qualities they want to look for in the person they marry. What values really matter? That list then becomes the criteria by which all potential dates are measured. That’s why it’s so important for our teens to wait to date. Spiritual and emotional maturity can only come with time. It’s also why we want our teens to spend time with the opposite sex in groups. They can learn so much more about each other by observing behavior in a group, as opposed to getting to know someone in the perfectly preened, best behaved, tension-filled environment of a one-on-one date. Specific boundaries need to be established. Even group dates can go awry if the group makes a poor choice on their plans. Since it would be difficult to list all the potential problems of a particular proposed date, the best policy is to maintain your right to approve any type of date while your teen is living at home. And be careful about making assumptions about Christian activities. Telephone use We believe moms and dads need to determine how their preteens and teens spend their time at home. Whom do you want to influence your child the most? After spending eight or more hours at school with friends and teachers, are you willing for her to spend one or two more hours on the phone every night with a boy friend or a girl friend? With homework, lessons, practices, and all, will you have any time with your teen to influence her? Be wise about your child’s emotions. Even if your child is not dating, she can still become emotionally attached to a boy over the phone. We’ve seen it happen. Teens begin to share their feelings, their disappointments, their hopes, their troubles at home, and pretty soon they feel attached. Even girl talk can create romantic longings as girls chat and dream and ooh and aah about boys. If they can’t date for several more years, why let them spend hours stirring their emotions and imaginations? Internet communications If your child spends time sending text messages to people, you need to monitor what’s going on. The subject line of a recent e-mail to one of our daughters was “Sexy Thang.” We knew whom it was from and, frankly, we didn’t like it. We decided I needed to write him to say it was improper for a young man to address a young lady as a “sexy thang.” And I asked him to keep the relationship on a friendship level. No love letters. Just occasional communication. We try to avoid saying to our teens, “Don’t do this, don’t do this, and for goodness sakes don’t do that!” Instead we constantly share what we’ve learned from Scripture, and we ask them challenging questions so that they learn to make good choices. We want them to conclude, “I don’t think I am going to do that.” For the single parent This is one subject in which you need to hammer out your own set of convictions— for you. That’s right! Decide how you are going to act when you have the opportunity to go out on a date. Then you will have the freedom to challenge your teen with a similar standard. Remember, your child is a better student of you than you are of him or her. Your model will set the tone for your child’s dating relationships. The spiritual maturity of people you date, courtesies, and how you handle it all will speak volumes. And if your preteen or teenager is the opposite sex from you, please seriously seek support from a mature adult friend of the same sex as your child. *This story originally appeared in Dennis Rainey’s book, (Colorado Springs: Focus on the Family, 1997), p. Adapted from Parenting Today’s Adolescent: Helping Your Child Avoid the Traps of the Preteen and Teen Years. Copyright 1998 by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers. FamilyLife’s mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families that change the world one home at a time. We depend upon the partnership of people like you to help make our outreaches possible. We’ve been talking about guys and romance for years here on the blog. In fact, we are revisiting some of our most read posts this month as part of our attempt to give you some great advice on the subject of romance. Even if you’ve read these posts before, we encourage you to check them out again as a refresher on God’s plan for your love life. Lately there has been some discussion on this blog about whether or not it is okay for Christians to date non-Christians. We encountered this same conversation over and over as we did research for Lies Young Women Believe. In fact, this is one of the 25 lies addressed directly in the book. The girls involved in the research phase of this book told us things like: • “I really want to marry a Christian, but I’m not looking for marriage right now, so I don’t really care.” • “I don’t really think it matters if the guys I date are Christians or not. For one, we’re just in high school. I don’t really think that religion is an issue right now.” • “If you plant a seed, it can make a beautiful flower. You’re spreading God’s Word, whether it works out or not. If you can compromise, think about it you can impact a non-Christian.” Some of you have made similar comments here on the blog. Specifically, it seems that some of you are wondering if it’s okay to date non-Christians. The short answer to your question is no. God’s Word urges us not to link our lives with non-believers, and the consequences of choosing to do otherwise can be disastrous. But I know that you might not be willing to simply take my word on this one. I understand the temptation to believe that dating non-Christians is okay. In fact, I get why so many young women have been deceived into thinking that it is a potentially wonderful missions opportunity. (I actually fell for this one myself as a high school and college-aged woman.) But since I now understand how important it is that we understand God’s truth on this subject, I decided to recruit a friend of mine to be a voice of reason. Let me introduce you to Brice. He just happens to be a handsome, funny college student who is currently serving as the youth ministry intern at my church. I asked him to read the parts of this blog where young women were talking about dating non-Christians. His response? “I had no idea that girls thought like that! How do we convince them that they should only date Christians?” I think that Brice’s insights on this topic are wise and thought-provoking, and they may just be exactly what you need to hear as you search for truth in this area of your lives. Here’s whathe had to say: I have recently been asked to write a section for this blog on the topic of dating non-Christians. I am very excited to be able to share my thoughts since they will be coming from a young Christian man’s perspective to a female audience. I hope that I can be of some help to you ladies. To start off with, I will tell you about a few of my own personal dating experiences. I am now 22 years old, and I have had five different girlfriends over the years and had crushes on many others. The first two girls I dated were Christians, in the sense that they went to the same church and youth group I was in. We kept things pretty low-key. We’d hang out, watch movies, talk on the phone, hold hands, and go to dances. We never did anything sexual, mainly because I personally thought it was wrong. I didn’t think of the negative consequences that would be taken out on her heart or my heart. Looking back, I thank the Lord for protecting my purity and the purity of the girls in those relationships. My next relationship was a bit different. My senior year of high school, a junior girl caught my eye. We started talking on the band trip that year on New Year’s Eve. I told my youth pastor about her because she wasn’t in the youth group. I tried to convince him (and myself) that it would be good for me to date her so that she might come to youth group and become a Christian. I was dead wrong! A few years before this, my youth minister gave our youth group a lesson we called “the triangle talk.” This talk consisted of a triangle drawn out, and the guy on the left base of the triangle and the girl on the right base. The concept was simple-when a person is focused upward to the pinnacle of the triangle (God), they will eventually meet up with that special someone that God has specifically designed for them. If a guy and girl are in a relationship, they should be focused on God, and as they grow closer to God they will inevitably grow closer to one another. What I was doing with this new girlfriend was taking my eyes off of God and focusing on the really pretty girl. Well, this really pretty girl and I made out a lot way too much! There were some moments when we got far too close to a line that should not be crossed until marriage. Our relationship ended after she wrote me a letter telling me she thought I was the one for her, and I told her I wasn’t. I had been called into ministry a year and a half earlier, and I knew that she would not give me the support I would need in ministry. We broke up a week later. The bottom line from that story is DO NOT WASTE your time, emotions, money, and most of all your heart on someone who is not a Christian. If they don’t have a relationship with Christ, you shouldn’t be yoked to them. I went off to college and told all my buddies, “I’m going to find a nice Christian girl and get married to her.” Well, I meet a girl my freshman year who was really sweet, loved the Lord, and liked doing fun stuff. We soon started dating. I prayed about it a few weeks later, and God told me I had jumped the gun and that we should break up. I was devastated. I thought all I needed to do was get to know her and once I knew her pretty well that we could date with the idea in both of our heads that the end result would be marriage. So I listened to God and broke up with her. This devastated me and her. She completely withdrew from me, which really hurt. Before I left for camp that summer, I gave her a Bible and she gave me a journal and we said goodbye. I spent the summer at camp. We wrote letters a few times a week. It seemed like the Lord was restoring our relationship. We began dating that summer in early July. I don’t remember consulting the Lord on that decision either. We dated for 15 months. It was a good time, but our focus was wrong. Our focus even as good Christian kids was on each other and not on God and how we were to be obedient to Him in His service. We were far too physical for a Christian couple. The girl I dated for 15 months was a great girl and a strong Christian, but we were not equally yoked. She had a completely different way she wanted to live her life than I did when it came to serving the Lord. She had made plans for where she wanted to live, what she wanted to do 15 years down the road, and I still have no idea what I’ll be doing after I graduate from college or when I’ll graduate. The point I am trying to make here is that even when a guy is a strong Christian at a similar maturity level as you are, there are other factors that must be considered such as your views on spending and saving money. How you will give your time, money, and energy in service to the Lord? Are you both fine with living by faith and not have any real plans except to follow the Lord? Or does one of you want to be a lawyer and the other one wants to be an international missionary? There are many things that go into being equally yoked. For many of you, you may not be ready to be married. And to you I say don’t date. Enjoy the friendships with guys around you as brothers. Let them know where you stand, and you will encourage and challenge them to grow as men of the Lord. If they are not down with respecting you for taking this season in your life to grow more as a woman, then you need to pray for them that they may understand your heart and that you are letting yourself be prepared for your future husband. When you are not equally yoked to a believer of a very close maturity level in your relationship with Christ and when you don’t have a very similar philosophy on how to live your life, then you should not enter into a relationship with that person. When you do meet that man someday that you connect really well with pray for him. Pray that he will grow and be transformed every day into the likeness of Christ. Ask God now to prepare you and your future husband for the time when you will be wed. As a young Christian girl, you should focus on Christ; focus on His call on your life to follow Him. Seek to understand what that means for each one of you. Who are you in Christ? What is your identity in Christ? You need to be content with serving and obeying Christ. You must not seek to find your fulfillment in a man. It simply is not there. It is only found in Christ. As you seek the Lord and focus on Him, if you are to be married, the Lord will put the perfect man for you in your path. You should be able to see him in several different roles and know that you would be best yoked with that one man while on this earth. Pray for the man God is preparing for you right now, keep him in your prayers, and you will be oh so blessed when you meet him and see how God has been preparing you both. BOTTOM LINE—Seek first the Kingdom of God and the rest will be provided. Be blessed ladies. Brice’s words echo the guidance given by Nancy and Dannah in Lies Young Women Believe. It is so important for you to realize that as Christians we need to only be considering other Christians for dating relationships. It is also important to know that God desires for you to marry (and therefore date) a Christian. But that’s not all. He desires for you to marry a man who can lead you spiritually. If your only dating qualification is to find a guy who goes to church, you may find yourself in the situation Brice did. The consequences of being “unequally yoked” are painful! In Lies Young Women Believe, Nancy and Dannah wrap up the section of the book dedicated to this topic by issuing the “truth-seekers relationship pledge.” I want to issue the same challenge here on the blog. If you’re willing to commit to only linking your life to other believers in this way, we want to hear about it! Leave us your comments right here on this post. Truth-Seekers Relationship Pledge “I purpose never to become involved in a relationship with a guy who is not a true follower of Jesus Christ and whose character and lifestyle are not consistent with the kind of man I believe God wants me to marry someday.”. We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to your pastor or a godly woman in your life as they’ll know more details and can provide you with ongoing accountability and help. Also, the following comments do not necessarily reflect the views of Revive Our Hearts. We reserve the right to remove comments which might be unhelpful, unsuitable, or inappropriate. We may edit or remove your comment if it: • * Requests or gives personal information such as email address, address, or phone number. • * Attacks other readers. • * Uses vulgar or profane language. I Sweet friend, we are glad you’re here on the LYWB Blog. Ending a long-term relationship will not be easy. But if you are a follower of Jesus you have the power of the Holy Spirit living in you. The Spirit of God will give you the strength to take the next step in doing what is right. The Lord has given you that step in His Word. “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14).” Acknowledge to the LORD your sin in being in a relationship with a man who is not a lover of Jesus. Turn away from (repent) that sin and ask Jesus to help you walk in His ways. Acknowledge to this young man that you love Jesus and cannot be in a relationship with one who does not love Jesus. Leave the relationship, ifeoma. Seek the prayer and support of other followers of Jesus who can help you do the right thingeven when it is hard. Get into God’s Word daily. Talk to the LORD about all that you are feeling and thinking. Ask Him to change your heart. He promises to answer you, my friend. “I love the LORD, because He hears my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live (Ps. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer (1 Pet. 3:12a).” Praying for you right now, friend. Grace and peace, Carrie •. @anonymousOf course, there can be “unbelievers” in any area you are looking for those of like mind. For the purposes and context of this Christian blog, an “unbeliever” would be someone that doesn’t believe in Jesus Christ–the One who died on the cross to save us from the penalty of death, He took our place, and offers forgiveness for our sin. A “believer” for our purposes on this blog is one who believes these truths about Jesus. “Jesus said to him, I am the Way and the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the Father except by (through) Me.” (John 14:6) As Christians, we believe the Bible is our Guidebook. Thus, our understanding of the quote in this post: “the guidance given by Nancy and Dannah in Lies Young Women Believe. It is so important for you to realize that as Christians we need to only be considering other Christians for dating relationships. It is also important to know that God desires for you to marry (and therefore date) a Christian. But that’s not all. He desires for you to marry a man who can lead you spiritually. If your only dating qualification is to find a guy who goes to church, you may find yourself in the situation Brice did. The consequences of being ‘unequally yoked’ are painful!” “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. We have three beautiful daughters, ages 33, 31, and 26, and none are dating Christians. My husband and I were so very, very careful to raise them in a Christian home and church. They even had Christian grandparents on both sides that were precious. They are lovely young women. All college graduates and busy with their careers. They are physically beautiful and could be models. (just have to throw that in least you say there must be something wrong with them). There are times I want to weep for the failure I feel. We are taught in the church that the husband is the head of the household so it would be easy to “blame” him, but he is a gentle godly soul and our girls love, love, love their daddy. I have taken wise advice and zipped up my mouth and treat them with the same respect I would treat a friend or neighbor. I believe this has kept our family close. Two of our girls slowly drifted away from the Lord in college and chose guys who might even be agnostics or the new atheist type. I can see why they love their man to be honest. They are interesting and successful by worldly standards. They have such fine qualities in just about every area except one. They have no desire for God. (Believe me, we pray for them constantly). I believe there are marriages in the next year or so. Then there is our oldest daughter who is a Christian, but she didn’t grab her Christian man in the first wave after college as she puts it. She simply wasn’t swept off her feet and found them boring. Now she wishes she had just decided on one of them in her early 20’s when the offers when coming in. The church singles groups had much to be desired. Two semi-serious Christian young men (Bible study leaders mind you) couldn’t keep their hands to themselves and were so self-loving that they couldn’t even remember her favorite color. OH, did they loved those computer games–one was a dentist and one a doctor least you think their education was lacking. So, now, she, too, has joined the ranks of dating a doubtful Christian–a Methodist who shows no signs of ever being born-again. He knows so little about the Bible, but he is everything our daughter has wished for. She is 33 and as she says, time if running out for babies, of which they want 2 or 3. I pray like crazy, keep my mouth shut, and try not to condemn myself for “obviously” failed as a Christian mother. I know that sounds terrible, but it is honest. I even think about the Rapture and will two of our girls be left behind as they show no “fruit” in their lives. Very sad, but I know I am not the only one who feels this way. PS: another “long” story for another day are my Christian friends who will not participate in their weddings because of being unequally yoked. And pastors who won’t marry them. I understand all of this, but don’t know what to do feel sad. Precious friend, my heart grieves with you today. Oh, how I pray that your precious daughter’s eyes would be opened to the beauty of the gospelnot moralism, not legalism, nothing but Jesus. I join you in praying that they will see their need of a Savior. That the truths of Scripture instilled in them throughout their lives would be brought back to their minds. That they would turn from the muddy cisterns from which they are drinking and return to the Fountain of Living Water May the lies of the enemy be stilled and the voice of the tender Shepherd be heard in their ears today. Press on, dear one, in this battle of intercession. Join with others who will stand with you in prayer. Refuse to allow the enemy to gain the victory! The story has not yet been completed, friend. God is still on His throne. Your daughters are still living. The battle for their souls rages on. Oh, may you be strengthened in heart, soul, mind, and body to stand firm in interceding for God to redeem out of darkness your beloved daughters! Stormie Omartian’s book, Praying for Your Adult Children, has been such an encouragement to me. Perhaps it will be to use as well. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the day of evil and having done everything, to stand firm (Eph. 6:12-13).” Standing with you today in prayer, Carrie anonymous (Guest): We have three beautiful daughters, ages 33, 31, and 26, and none are dating Christians. My husband and I were so very, very careful to raise them in a Christian home and church. They even had Christian grandparents on both sides that were precious. They are lovely young women. All college graduates and busy with their careers. They are physically beautiful and could be models. (just have to throw that in least you say there must be something wrong with them). There are times I want to weep for the failure I feel. We are taught in the church that the husband is the head of the household so it would be easy to “blame” him, but he is a gentle godly soul and our girls love, love, love their daddy. I have taken wise advice and zipped up my mouth and treat them with the same respect I would treat a friend or neighbor. I believe this has kept our family close. Two of our girls slowly drifted away from the Lord in college and chose guys who might even be agnostics or the new atheist type. I can see why they love their man to be honest. They are interesting and successful by worldly standards. They have such fine qualities in just about every area except one. They have no desire for God. (Believe me, we pray for them constantly). I believe there are marriages in the next year or so. Then there is our oldest daughter who is a Christian, but she didn’t grab her Christian man in the first wave after college as she puts it. She simply wasn’t swept off her feet and found them boring. Now she wishes she had just decided on one of them in her early 20’s when the offers when coming in. The church singles groups had much to be desired. Two semi-serious Christian young men (Bible study leaders mind you) couldn’t keep their hands to themselves and were so self-lovin g that they couldn’t even remember her favorite color. OH, did they loved those computer games–one was a dentist and one a doctor least you think their education was lacking. So, now, she, too, has joined the ranks of dating a doubtful Christian–a Methodist who shows no signs of ever being born-again. He knows so little about the Bible, but he is everything our daughter has wished for. She is 33 and as she says, time if running out for babies, of which they want 2 or 3. I pray like crazy, keep my mouth shut, and try not to condemn myself for “obviously” failed as a Christian mother. I know that sounds terrible, but it is honest. I even think about the Rapture and will two of our girls be left behind as they show no “fruit” in their lives. Very sad, but I know I am not the only one who feels this way. PS: another “long” story for another day are my Christian friends who will not participate in their weddings because of being unequally yoked. And pastors who won’t marry them. I und erstand all of this, but don’t know what to do feel sad. 12:40 a.m., Tuesday Feb. 17| Other comments by anonymous Reply Moderate this comment by email Email address:| IP address: 107.15.2.7 Reply to this email with “Delete”, “Approve”, or “Spam”, or moderate from the Disqus moderation panel. I am a 14 year old girl in the 10th Grade. I have been using your guys’ book, Lies Young Women Believe as my devotional book and have just finished reading the lies about guys section. I have a friend who I’ve known since Kindergarten and we currently go to the same school and talk like, every day. He’s not a Christian. I’ve had many intense discussions with him and one of our other friends about Christianity and Evolution and what I believe. He believes strongly in Evolution and we often try to avoid taking about religion and politics. Let me make one thing clear. I am not looking for a relationship with him as boyfriend/girlfriend but I am wondering, would it be wise to invest in a strong friend relationship with him? I know that I am the only Bible or Christian thing he has access to currently. I use that every day to try and be a good example and pray for him but I’m wondering would it be okay to have him hang out with me outside of school (obviously with some parental monitoring, I’m totally all for being accountable). Super pumped you’re working through Lies Young Women Believe, Julia! Great you have a long-term friendship with this guy who doesn’t know Jesusbecause you get to introduce Him to the One who has changed your life. You get to share how His Word is transforming youhow you’re learning to walk in the ways of Jesus. How Jesus redeemed you off the slave-block of sin and adopted you into His family. And you get to recount the ways God is working in your life today! But if maintaining or deepening a friendship requires not talking about the One who died for you and whose love has turned your life upside downthen it’s not a strong friendship, Julia. This post will help you process your question from God’s Word: Should Christians Befriend Non-Christians (). Julia, I recently was in my youth group and the lesson could help you. Sermon on the Mount, it tells us that we are like salt and light. Our saltiness is our sharing our God with others, along with that being our brightness. We aren’t supposed to be unsalty salt, or dark light. Share your faith with him, plant the seed. What if God put him in your life so you can tell him? And I am very glad you are praying for him. That is the first step. I will pray for him, and you, so God can put the words in your mouth to help you talk to him in a kind, loving way. This is really helpful right now, because I recently was thinking about getting into a relationship with a non-christian guy. I’m 22 and haven’t had any luck. I’ve never had anyone else pursue me like this guy. He’s pretty much what I am looking for except for the fact that he doesn’t love the Lord. I thought about sticking around so that he could come to know the Lord, but then realized that’s naive of me think like that. As hard as it is right now, I now that the Lord will provide a way out and someday I will meet the man he has for me. I can tell this has been a difficult decision for you to make, Esther. But it is the right decision. And I am so proud of you! Although we want to, we cannot change people’s hearts. Only God can do that. So choosing to break off this relationship is an act of faith on your part – one that God will honor and bless. He loves you and has your best interest at the center of His heart for you. Trusting that His way is the best way will protect you and keep you in His will. Praying for you, my friend! How painfully ignorant by only dating Christians, you’re missing out on a plethora of extraordinary people. Many of the best people in my life who dedicate their lives to helping others have no religious beliefs or ones that aren’t Christianity, but they are amazing people nonetheless. Plus, doesn’t your God preach not to judge others? If non-christians are okay with dating someone who’s christian, doesn’t that say more about that person’s open mindedness than your own? I think it’s very sad that you would reject a relationship with a wonderful person simply because they don’t follow your religion. I also think it’s sad that you’re essentially telling young teenage girls how to control their love lives. Just because dating non-christians hasn’t worked for you, doesn’t mean it won’t for others. We’re glad you’re here on the LYWB Blog, allie. You’ve asked a great question. As followers of Jesus, we believe that the Bible is God’s Word. As Creator and Sustainer of all things (including marriage and romance) God alone has the right to establish the framework for relationships. The Bible is clear that followers of Jesus not marry those who have not chosen to follow Jesus. This isn’t a “kill-joy” instruction from a god who is uninterested or uninvolved in the lives of His children, allie. It’s the tender mercy of a Heavenly Father who loves deeply and cares for us personally infinitely more than we can even imagine. God wants what is best for us, friend. It’s why He sent His Son, Jesus, to die so that all who would believe in Him might have a personal relationship with Him. God wants all people to understand and receive His great love. That is His heart, allie, but not all are willing. Oh, how great is the heartache in a marriage where there is not a shared love for Jesus and His ways. Hey, I’m a young Christian girl, and I really really want to be able to take that Truth Seekers Pledge however I physically am struggling to bring myself to say the words. See I have slightly fallen for a non Christian guy who I am good friends with, and he has made it no secret to how much he likes me and wishes we could be more than friends. I have told him I’m not interested in a relationship and I think our differing beliefs mean we wouldn’t work in a relationship. I myself though am struggling with the temptation of giving into my feelings for him. He’s a very good friend of mine and a part of me feels if we went out I could bring him along to church and he’s open to religion so there’s a chance God could use me to bring this guy to him through a relationship. I don’t have any Christian friends and it’s hard to see myself finding a Christian guy. I really like this guy though and he likes me it’s very tempting. I want to just give in to it, I know it’s weak but I really do just want to fall into this guys arms and show him how much I care. I know I shouldn’t though. I know I should stay strong and fall into God’s arms as they’re so much greater and God has soo much more to give than this guy could even ever imagine giving me. I don’t know why I’m typing this comment, I guess I just needed to admit my struggle to myself more than anything. We are glad you posted your comment and we appreciate your honesty. You are right; sometimes it helps us to write out our struggles and put words and voice to them. When we do, it makes it clear that we are trying to talk ourselves into something that we know is not right. I think it is no accident you found this blog as you are considering your choices with this guy. God’s truth has been made evident to you. I really appreciated your thinking when you wrote “God has soo much more to give than this guy could even ever imagine giving me.” It is so true. God’s “rules” are always for our good. He only wants for you the BEST! “For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and give you a future and a hope.” (Jer. 29:11) Don’t allow yourself to fall for the world’s idea of best; hold out for God’s best. Ephesians 3:20 says: “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” He will give you opportunity to meet a Christian guy when the timing is right. Involve yourself in Christian groups: a Bible Study group at church, a Christian group on your school campus like Young Life or Campus Crusade, etc. You will find your life richer as you fellowship with others of like mind–a mind set on Jesus and the Word of God! I pray you will be able to take the Pledge, beginning with this relationship to choose to do right and do as God asks of you. I know it’s hard; I pray for you this day that you will have the strength to trust Him. Thank you, Will, for your words. I used to feel as you do; I am well aware that the promise was given to Israel. However, if you will listen to this short piece by John Piper, Is Jeremiah 29:11 a Promise to Christians?, found at, you will understand my use of the verse. It is indeed a biblical principle found in Scripture for us. I don’t see in my response where I said it would be an easy life– but a good life is always found in the center of God’s will, although not always easy. His best always comes for those who follow His ways–not always easy, but best. And best produces good in our lives. I did say His rules are for our good; and that they always are. Thank you for letting me speak to your cautions. God bless you, Will. Sarah – thanks for sharing that. I had not been exposed to Piper’s opinion on the verse before. I’m still a bit cautious about agreeing with him (although I respect him and think he’s one of the smartest people I know of), because in my understanding, the cup Jesus raised when he said he would be making the new covenant was the third cup of the Sader. The third cup – representing the promise that God will redeem his people – was chosen because Jesus wanted to say that now HE will redeem his people. I don’t want to limit Jesus and say that he could only possibly mean one single thing or that I completely understand any of his actions. So, I will have to chew on that more before I get a better understanding of it. Thanks again for sharing that with me, it is very much appreciated. Christian divisiveness once again rears it’s ugly head. All it takes is a little research to discover that statistically mixed religious relationships can and do work that is if the mixed couple display acceptance and tolerance of each other’s differences without trying to impose his/her beliefs. A kind, wise and tolerant atheist/person of other faith is far preferable to a Christian who lacks those virtues and vice-versa. It’s strange and contradictory when Christians are against being “unequally yoked”, but if it happens that a couple is or becomes unequally yoked they declare that divorce is forbidden. The issue here is not an emphasis on the success of marriage. The emphasis here is that the Lord should be more important than marriage. The goal of marriage should be to glorify God – just like every part of life. Being equally-yoked with your significant other is entirely because of this. When both parties of the marriage have the same goal of doing everything they do to the glory of God, they can keep each other accountable, and can work as a team for the glory of our maker in heaven. Marriage to someone not of your faith doesn’t have to be a threat to your religious convictions. I disagree that the primary “goal of marriage should be to glorify God”. The overwhelming reason people marry (Christians included) is to achieve a fulfilling life with someone to love and be loved in return. We marry to serve the mutual emotional needs of ourself and our partner. If instead your primary goal is to glorify and obsess over God then the best way to achieve that would be to NOT get married or have children and instead devote your life to worship and glorification of God just as nuns do. If however you are a normal, balanced person (not an obsessed sycophant) you can easily accommodate your religious convictions with someone not of your faith. I will agree finding a kindred spirit IS a consideration but it assumes less importance than the sum total of the rest of his virtues that make for a compatible, loving, happy relationship. I think that I wasn’t as clear as I could have been. Your definitely correct in saying people marry so that they can spend their life with someone they love. What I meant to say (and must’ve not been clear enough) was that in the eyes of God, as made clear from scripture, the point of marriage is to glorify him. I’m sure you’ve heard of marriage being called a covenant. That’s because Christ made a covenant with his people, that was signed in blood (this was also done at the mosaic and abrahamic covenants) when he died on the cross. I don’t mean to say that two people can’t be compatible and be of different faith. That would be ignorant. However, I do mean to say that put God before your spouse is only appropriate when your spouse does that as well. You don’t have to be a nun to have the primary goal of worshipping and glorifying the Lord. That can be done in an innumerable amount of ways. Just as there is not one single way to love your wife, there is also not one single way to worship the Lord. (According to scripture) marriage is meant to be a picture of Christ and his relationship with the church. That is why the church is often depicted as the bride of Christ. I also wanted to mention your use of the word “obsessive”. I think this is where we might differ. You say obsessive, because you don’t understand it, because it is different from your worldview. Having something or someone as the most important part of your life doesn’t necessarily make one “obsessed” with it. It only makes it the most important. You might think it does, and if that’s the case, then I simply perceive obsessive to be unhealthy whereas you wouldn’t. There HAS tone something that is most important in your life. Choosing Jesus doesn’t make it obsessive. I hope I was more clear this time. “put God before your spouse” This implies some sort of competition between loving your spouse and your religious convictions. Sorry but this isn’t a contest and having a non-christian spouse is not a barrier to a relationship with God. My wife and I are a good example. She is Christian and I am not and our marriage has been strong and fulfilling for over ten years and her faith as a Christian is as strong as it ever was. As I type my wife is looking over my shoulder nodding and concurring. If you are saying she is not a committed glorifying enough Christian for having married me, well, I’m glad your not in the same room as my wife because I’d have to hold her back. For some reason I felt God is leading me to comment, possibly to help another who may be reading this, and also because I really really was encouraged by reading this article. Just a few weeks ago I had to break-up with a guy because I was hearing both from God, several close friends, and other people I look up to for their faith and God-filled lives to do so. It still hurts. But it was by the grace of God I was able to end the relationship in the first place and also it is this grace and love I so don’t deserve that I have been able to get through these past few weeks. The guy was amazing–he was nice, caring, respectful, everything I’ve pretty much imagined in how good a guy could get as a junior in high school. But it came down to our faiths just weren’t compatible. We both respected each others’ strong willingness to follow Christ, but we still had to go behind our parents’ backs to continue our relationship. It was partially because of that–essentially lying to our parents that really caused me to open my eyes to what God was showing me was wrong with our relationship. Like I said, it was so hard to cut things off. It may seem impossible to do something that you think you know is right but your feelings won’t get in line. But that’s where I really had to put my strength and trust in God. And trust me, I know that it doesn’t help when others tell you that “this is all part of God’s greater plan,” but really, now that I can look back at it a bit, this truly was God’s working for my good. I also want to thank you for posting this, because I was starting to have a little bit of doubts as of late of the end of our relationship and feeling a bit down, but I really feel like God was speaking to me through you, thank you ? So maybe, just maybe this little comment of mine may help someone who is reading this, I want to encourage you and say that God has something wonderful and better than you can imagine in store for you. It took me a long and hard path to see that, but by His grace I’ve slowly started to realize it ? •. Im in a 2 yrs relationship with my non believer or a believer boyfriend. He is a believer. He told me that he believes in God, he already actepted Jesus Christ as his personal Lord and Savior when he was in Highschool. But when he was still young, he was adopted by his uncle who is a catholic They made him as their real Son. His real family were Christians but they decided to adopt him by his uncle in order for him to study because they were having a financial problem. So he was forcefully attend in a catholic church do the same they were doing. He was even sent in a seminary school because thats his uncle wants him to do but he didint finished it. He came out to that seminary school neacause he doesnt want to become a priest. Years pass, he graduated in college. I know its my fault because im so deeply inlove with him. I cant fight my feelings. He still share his faith with me. He knew about what the Bible says but he needs to know more about it so ive been sharing what i learned from our church. The problems is he is not attending a Christian church because of his new family who sustained his education. He needs to follow what they say in short he has no freedom. So me as a christian im always advicing Him, sharing him what weve talked about on our sunday service in order for him to hear the Word of God. Another problem is we’ve comitted sin. We already have an early sexual intercourse. I dont know what to do. Thats one of the reason why i cant let him go. I feel sorry for myself and i already ask God for forgiveness of what i’ve done. I’ve broke my promise to God that the only man whom i will give my virginity is to the man that im going to marry. I always ask God what to do why i am here for him. Pls i need help hope you can help me. Thank you for contacting us, Andrea! I’m sorry to hear you are living with regrets about your decision. Our feelings do not change the reality of God’s Truth. While you may not “feel” forgiven, God’s Word says: “If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 Jn. It also says that God removes our sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps. Those are the truths you need to counsel your heart with whenever the enemy uses your emotions to cause you to doubt God’s Word. Would you make the decision today to memorize those verses so that you can say them to yourself whenever your are questioning God’s forgiveness? Will you also read and pray through the blog below? I’m praying for you. Letting Truth Rule When It Comes to Forgiveness •. When God reveals sin in our lives, Elsy Medina Peregrym, we turn from it and turn back toward Him. Scripture calls it repentance. If you have already placed your faith in Jesus, then simply agree with Him that you have not been living according to His ways. Confess that to Him. Praise Him for the forgiveness that is yours because of Jesus’ death and resurrection. Then arise and live in a way that brings honor to God. As it relates to dating, decide today that you will not date a man who is not a follower of Jesus. Ask Jesus to help you in this. He’s promised to do that, friend. Then ask Him to show you the heart reason behind your many relationships with guys that are not follower of Jesus. Jesus wants to bring healing to the hurts, fears, lies that have captivated your heart in this area. Praying for you today, friend. You might check out Paula’s book, Confessions of a Boy Crazy Girl. Grace and peace, Carrie •. I don’t know if I should comment, but I’d just love to say, I’m so happy that I’m attracted to Christian boys. I’ve been homeschooled all my life, and growing up as a Christian, never looked at any boys that weren’t Christian. For some reason, I’m so attracted to Christian boys from my church, that I never thought of dating someone otherwise. But I’m struggling with this because, I’ve told myself that I think God wants my future husband to be from my church. But nothing ever happens with a boy at church, I’m never talking to a boy. I’ve liked this one boy from youth group, for a very long time (2+ years), I thought he was the best, but recently I saw that he was too much of a show off for me. And then I looked at his twin brother, who is overlooked by many girls because he’s not as attractive (he’s cute, but girls nowadays go for “hot”, at least he’s cute in my opinion) but he was so sweet. And I realized I was wasting my time, obsessing over a boy that I never really even said “hi” to, when I could have easily met his nice brother. This brother, is so sweet, I could see him being a future small group leader, or even a pastor. He’s different, but he’s super sweet. And that’s my problem, sometimes I feel like I’m attracted to his sweetness, but often I find myself re-thinking about the sporty show-off brother. I feel like I’m attracted to his kindness towards others, more than the person he is himself. But I feel like he’s the one for me?? I thought God was showing me that show off brother, and then showing me the other-kinder brother, but for what reason? I don’t understand, and I know I sound desperate, but waiting is hard. I’ve liked many boys for a long time, and I don’t know when to make a move, because I’m scared of rejection, or worried that the person I date isn’t the right one for me. I’d like to recommend that you not make any move at all. Waiting is difficult but when you know that God keeps what is your best at the center of His heart for you, it can help you to wait as He knows what’s in your future and what you will need. Sometimes we don’t have a clue what is best for us – especially when our emotions are so closely tied with our desires. When it is the right time for you to enter into a relationship, you can trust that God will lead a man to approach you and pursue you. If you can get your hands on Paula’s book Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl, I think you would see yourself and see some better ways to handle your desires. Will you try to do that? You might even like to hear Paula’s heart behind the book as she shared on Revive Our Hearts. Then I would like to share a few blogs with you and ask that you read and pray through them to see how God would have you respond in light of your emotions. Please know I am praying for you this morning. Why Am I So Crazy for Boys? How Boy-Crazy are you? Boyfriends vs. Boy Friends Potential Boyfriend or Forever Brother Should Girls Pursue Guys? Why I Won’t Pursue A Guy (Part 1) ( There’s a part 2 and 3, as well) •. As an older single (in my 40s), most guys my age were dragged to church by their parents when they were kids. So, most have been baptized whether they currently have any religious involvement in their lives. I would think of them more as ‘non-practicing’ Christians, than as non-Christians. I think making it a black and white issue like this fails to take into account generational differences, situational differences, etc. There are far more Millennials who don’t believe in God than there are Gen Xers who don’t believe in God. Should we really paint all non-churchgoers as “non-christians”? I don’t think so. I think that defines too many people out of our community, and is particularly unfair to Christian women who are far more likely to be involved in church than “Christian” men. I would consider anyone who has ever been baptized to be a Christian, whether he’s involved in religion any more or not. Otherwise, I would get no dates whatsoever. Hi guys.i need some advise regarding this topic. I am in a relationship right now with non-christian we’ve a couple since last year November. As our relationship goes by things really change now, since we started as a friend and now as a couple. I taught him to make his devotion every night and go to church every Sunday but I was wondering what happened to our relationship we always fight everyday with a non-sense thing(there is no third party both of us). When I am about to break up with him he always said that “give me a chance I will prove to you that I can change”. He loved to go with our church and mingling with my co-believers he is actually active in helping with our technical team. I always pray to God if this man will be my future man. Please help me and I want to hear your advise as a brothers/sisters in Christ. Hope this will be the start of our relationship in spirit. I will appreciate every advise that you will give me. Thank you and Godbless!
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